Where You Are with Yourself & The Lifestyle

Ten years ago I stumbled across an article titled, "the 9 levels of submission", and I took it as gospel. Now I see that it was one fallible human beings opinion rather than fact. Much like my web site. This site and my articles are nothing more than my ideas, thoughts, and opinions regarding domination/submission. If by some chance my readers find the words here helpful, great! If not, no biggie.

I encourage you to remain true to yourself regardless of what others might wish to label you. Once upon a time it really did matter what others in the lifestyle thought of me. I wanted approval and perhaps some validation. These days I am far too busy living my life to care. That may have changed due to experiences or it may have changed because I've grown up since then. Or, it could be a combination of the two. I may never really know the truth.

Regardless of the triggers, I am at peace with who I am. I want this for all of you as well. If you take the time to listen to your inner voice I think you agree that to live by other people's labels is a waste of your precious time.

Am I real? Am I a submissive? A slave? Am I a dominant? A top? A player? Nilla even?

Are you asking yourself those questions? I know from experience that others ask you. It's fine to have common terms. Common terms allow us to communicate accurately with each other. But do you find that you might be overly consumed with those labels? Does it make you feel better to say that you are a slave instead of a submissive or better because you say that you are a master instead of top?


I happen to know the answer. I know because of my experiences and feelings. Insecurity. When we are not secure with who we are we look to outside sources for validation. This doesn't make us bad people. It makes us human. I challenge you to overcome that need for validation. I challenge you to simply be happy with who you are. So maybe you're not any of the labels or terms I've listed above. So what? Your world will not stop turning. Promise. You might even find someone who suits you much better once you begin to concentrate on yourself as a person first and label second.

I, for example, avoid men who too strongly identify themselves as "Masters". I avoid them like the plague. I get the feeling they cling to that identity like a life raft. It wreaks of insecurity to me. I will not be able to see an insecure male as dominant. Therefore, we will not match. I need to see you as dominant. I couldn't care less how anyone else sees you. If I'm not feeling it, it's not going to work. Same thing with submission. I can scream to the high heavens about how submissive I am but if he doesn't see that in me, it's over.

I don't suggest playing a role. That can only last for so long before you grow weary and give it up. That might be why so many online people vanish into the abyss. They grew tired of working to be someone they are not and they don't have the strength to speak the truth. It was far too draining trying to live up to someone else's idea of who they should be. I get that. I'm not condoning it but I understand it.

So where are you right now? Still trying to fit into a box? Attempting to re-create yourself? Does this make you happy?