A Warm Winter

The armour is falling down around my feet

His Words

He says "I am going to claim you. I am going to make you Mine. I will own you."

I can only answer with something vague and meaningless. I gave into statements like those before and answered with a breathless, "yes please! own me! take me!" To someone who was lying when he said it. To someone who lies to everyone including himself. I believe that when they say "I love you" they really mean "gosh you look good naked!"

I hide my bitterness from him because he deserves more. He has never been anything but good to me and has stood by me, rock solid, for six years. He cheered me on when I made life changing decisions, cautioned me when I was making a bad one, held my hand when my heart was broken, and waited until I was strong again to say "I told you he was a loser." He is a good man. I would burst with pride to be His. I just cannot tell him this. Yet.

Hope is a luxury.

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The night before my trip Jeff called to say he has the dates for Stockholm. I seriously didn't think this was going to happen as he appears to have difficulty penciling me in to his oh so busy schedule. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to see him, be with him, touch him, lay in bed and giggle with him. He is equally excited which kind of surprises me. He is always so cool and unemotional that it is a bit of a shock when his mushy side appears.

I purchased my plane tickets and will be in Stockholm for a week at the end of February. I'm already planning my wardrobe. Not like I'll need much for clothing but a girl should always be prepared.

I'm sitting here with the biggest smile on my face and tingles in my belly. I could not be happier.


Steven Tyler
Every year around my birthday the gods smile upon me and grant me a great deal of luck. This year was no exception.

We get to the hotel in Minneapolis and are immediately offered an upgrade for no special reason. We take it. The room ends up being a huge suite on the top floor overlooking the skyline. We were thrilled.

We freshen up and head downstairs for a nibble and drinks before the show. God forbid we should see a concert sober. A wonderful waiter named, Eric, takes very good care of us and we are sufficiently lubricated by the time we head to our taxi.

We get to the show and find that we have two of the sweetest seats in the house which happen to be surrounded by a group of the hottest men in the house. We are pleased. We flirt, we laugh, we enjoy being women.

The concert was amazing to say the least and now, days later, my voice is still a bit hoarse from all the yelling. After the concert the hotties want to know where we are heading as they would love to join us. They have extra room in the limo. We accept. A great time was had by all.

Two martinis later.....

Holly is ill. She cannot go on. We must go back to the hotel she says. I am exhausted and agree. I take her arm, we say our good-byes, exchange a few numbers, and we are out the door. I look up and down the street. Not a taxi in sight and I'm thinking we will freeze to death in the bitter cold when a super stretch limo pulls up and the driver offers us a ride back to the hotel. I swear it appeared out of thin air. Holly does too. We enjoy a quiet luxurious ride back to our hotel. Holly is snuggled in her seat with her eyes closed. She opens them and says "How do you do it? How do you always get things like this?" I tell my birthday story and snuggle up next to her. It was a great night and I could think of no one better to share it with than my sister.

The next day we spend a few hours in the salon getting gorgeous and then pillage Mall of America. A perfect end to a perfect trip.

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I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you! My sister and I went out for a couple *cough* martinis last weekend and ran into an ex lover of mine. He's more gorgeous than ever but the best part is how thrilled he was to see me. He asked me to dinner almost immediately and then spent the next hour or so making me feel like the most desirable woman in the world. What a smart man!

No. I did not sleep with him. *ahem* Will I? I'm not sure yet. I must admit the memory of his beautiful body and cock to match did make my temperature rise a bit. Seriously, this guy should be nude on the cover of magazines for the entire world to enjoy. **fans myself**

...a lil bondage....a lil cunny torture....oh dear. I had better go now before I talk myself into sleeping with him again.

ta ta kiss kiss :x


I am reflective today. I look at the path behind me and I am amazed at where I am now. I am proud of who I have become and in awe of my place in life. I do this because I am the only one to do so.

We must be our own best friend. We must enjoy who we are. If we wait for others to define us we will be lost. We would live our lives to suit those definitions and perhaps realize our mistake far too late.

What am I most proud of? I am still standing. No one but myself will ever understand what that means and I do not need for them to understand. I know. I lived it.

I'm off to Minneapolis next week for the Aerosmith concert, some shopping, and salon time. OH, and perhaps dinner at Martini Blu along with a few *cough* cocktails. I'm treating my sister to all of this as well. I think she needs to get back to where she belongs. Back to herself. I'll take my camera and perhaps share some pictures with you but don't hold your breath. I've always said "if you have the time to take a great deal of pictures you weren't truly enjoying the experience." Plus...I take the camera everywhere I go but usually leave it behind in the hotel room. I'm such a putz.


You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.

Franz Kafka