I'm Home!!

It feels good to be back home in my own bed but the craving to hop the next plane back to New Orleans is pretty strong. I had a fantastic time!! I drank (big butt ritas), ate (spicy creole), shopped (came home with 2 voodoo dolls), flirted (the men there spoiled me ROTTEN), toured ( the Garden District took my breath away), gambled ( a man who spoiled me almost to death gave me $1000 to play with), .....and that was all in day ONE!

Who We Are

Can you say there is someone who knows you? Really knows you. The inner you, the darkest parts of you, the fragility of you? If you do not protect yourself, will anyone else do it? Does anyone want to? Have they ever?

No one has ever known me. I must protect myself because there is no one else to do so. Never has been.

Countdown to New Orleans

Four days until my trip to New Orleans and I have nothing done. I am a die hard procrastinator until the end. This is not a plus. The apartment needs to be cleaned so my guest isn't horrified upon entering, the new carry on must be purchased, my mystic tan appt needs to be made, and I should put a hold on my mail.

On top of all this my period which is normally here right on time has decided to mess with my head and be LATE. I timed the vacation around my cycle and this is the thanks I get?

Cal is pouting because he can't go. He's a great guy but I don't need him messing up any quality flirting time I might get in New Orleans. Male friends are fabulous up until you realize other men will not approach you because they think you are together. Cal doesn't get this. I'm not surprised.

I promised him he could go along on the New York trip. New York will be primarily shopping for me and Cal is going to submit his portfolios to modelling agencies. That is if he's not feeling bloated or anything. *rolls my eyes* Ladies.....think twice before ever dating a model. Trust me on this. It is a constant barrage of questions like "does my six pack still look good? Do I look thick around the middle? Are my teeth white enough?" Oh and my favorite part is going out to the clubs...."I slept with her and her and her and ....I think maybe HER. " "That woman over there is checking me out." "is there something in my teeth because women aren't checking me out tonight"

Although, he's been pretty good since I told him his six pack would be the least of his worries after I threw him down the stairs.

Go Live Already!

I have watched hundreds of people over the years spend a great deal of time discussing what makes one a lifestyle Dom or submissive. I sometimes wonder if they do so hoping the definition will be molded to fit them. Here is what I think:

I think you spend too much time analyzing and not enough time living. No one really cares about these definitions other than you. So shut up and go DO IT ALREADY.

From the archives of chat:
I spend all of five minutes a day in chat and the following was observed by me as I passed thru one particular bdsm room....

A male said about another male: "He uses bold black font hoping to hide his inadequacies" It occurred to me then.....I think most in chat are there hoping it hides their inadequacies.

Time is Running Out

I think I'm drowning. Asphyxiated. I wanna break this spell That you've created. You're something beautiful. A contradiction. I wanna play the game. I want the friction. You will be the death of me. Bury it. I won't let you bury it. I won't let you smother it. I won't let you murder it. Our time is running out. You can't push it underground. We can't stop it screaming out. I wanted freedom, bound and restricted. I tried to give you up but I'm addicted. Now that you know I'm trapped. Sense of elation. You'd never dream of breaking this fixation. You will squeeze the life out of me. Bury it. I won't let you bury it. I won't let you smother it. I won't let you murder it. And our time is running out... You can't push it underground. We can't stop it screaming out. How did it come to this? Yeah you will suck the life out of me. Bury it. I won't let you bury it. I won't let you smother it. I won't let you murder it. Our time is running out... And our time is running out... You can't push it underground. You can't stop it screaming out. And how did it come to this?


Maturity is the ability to control our impulses, to think beyond the moment, and consider how our words and our actions will affect ourselves and others before we act.

One would think at my age it would not be difficult finding 'mature' partners. One would be very very wrong.


I will be using this blog to not only express personal thoughts but also to make notes regarding future articles for my site. I'm currently finding my train of thought about dominant males and what I want to say about my need for them. I have a theory that I'm playing with. Dominant males vs. Lifestyle Dominants


1. Exercising the most influence or control.
2. Most prominent, as in position; ascendant.


1. Authority or ability to manage or direct


Control is very sexy. A man who is in control of himself, his life, and his surroundings is very attractive. It attracts me, like a moth to a flame. It attracts others as well. I now believe that it is not power which attracts us but the control they seem to have over themselves. As though we hope some of it will rub off onto us and end the chaos that we know.

Favorite Thoughts

"My love is like the ocean. It is different on each shore it touches."

"I had to wonder if men were so blinded by beauty that they would feel privileged to live their lives with an actual demon, so long as it was a beautiful demon"

Relaxing Weekend (sort of)

C. did not call this weekend to go out. I imagine he's still smarting regarding last week's outing OR it wasn't my weekend for booty call. *laughs* How on earth do I get myself into this?

Anyway, I spent most of the weekend working. I'm always so anxious about money that there is never enough. I could win a 20 million dollar lottery tomorrow and I'd still stress over cash flow. I also put in time on the site. I've really let the site go over the last year and a half. I feel badly about that but I am trying to make up for it now.

In between my seven thousand projects I read the book The Paid Companion. I can't seem to put it down. I think I'm living through the two main characters. The witch.....she's living MY fantasy! She's a paid companion to a dominant, successful, respected, well educated, well groomed, wealthy Earl who just happens to be wildly passionate. I just KNOW he'd enjoy kink. I can just tell. *grins* Seriously, if they had injected some kink into this book I'd read it over and over again until the pages fell apart. This fantasy that I've always had is a personal thing. Not sure I could ever explain it here. It's sort of a beauty and beast thing. I tend to get off on cool and distant men.