Cerina Does Second Life

Chatting has always been a nice passtime for me but it was getting stale. A good friend of mine from Yahoo has been in Second Life for 2 years now and finally talked me into giving it a go. I was pretty bored at first but oh man, it's addicting for a wannabe shopoholic such as myself.

So, I'm in the process of figuring out how to move Submissive Loving into a new realm. The bdsm community there is a bit different as much of it revolves around role play. I'm not on earth to judge people. I'm all about everyone getting through this messy life any way possible. I keep my opinions to myself and I'm playing a bit. It's an amazing place which allows the fantasies in your head to "come to life" so to speak. Yesterday, I experienced a few sims that blew my mind. The creativity of human beings takes my breath away. I honestly didn't think Second Life was for me until I saw what others have created here. It's a whole new artform that can be awe inspiring at times.

I've bought land and put up a house. I still haven't figured the place for Submissive Loving yet, but I will. I think it's time it moved into the new millenium and me with it.

oh, I have a great story about my visit with the Scotland guy that I met on vacation in Ireland. We met up again in New Mexico. Fabulous and funny story. I promise to share it soon.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's October and already I'm feeling the effects of the gray skies and cooler weather. The alarm rings in the morning and it's almost painful to get out of bed. I feel as gray as the sky.

I grumble about living here in the north where it is so dismal six months out of the year and those who hear about it suggest I move. I would move in a heartbeat if I didn't love my job so much. I know for a fact I can do my job from anywhere in the world UNLESS I truly need to see a hard copy of the documentation. Apparently my boss says it will be over her dead body before she allows working from home. She tried it once and it didn't go well. Maybe she'll die soon? The others just want to work from home. Me? I want to work from another state or country. Keeping the faith and sticking pins in voodoo dolls.....wishes do come true now and again, right?

John says it's freezing in China. Apparently the government controls the heat in that country and it's not to be turned on until late November. So perhaps I should quit my bitching about the state I live in. At least I'm not in China where I might be homicidal after taking a shower in freezing temps.

Speaking of November, less than one month until John and I see one another again. Skype has been working well for us and it's allowing me to get to know him better before what could have been an awkward second real life meeting.

What's funny is that most everyone thinks he and I met online. At least the online people all think this. They cannot seem to fathom meeting people any other way. Interesting no?

October 18, 2009

One month since Ireland. John and I have kept in touch using skype. Gosh technology is wonderful. He works in China and will be there for, I believe, another 2 years. I have no clue where this is going, if anywhere.

We're meeting in New Mexico next month. I wasn't going to go but my friends talked me into it. One friend in particular really feels I need to at least give this a chance. I guess I agree.

I didn't want to be pushy or freak him out but I 'needed' to know if he was open to ....uhm...the "spicier" side of sex. I had some inclinations from our weekend in Ireland that he might be. It was awkward bringing it up. It went something like this:
"Uhm....errr.....there is something I feel I should tell you. I'd hate to scare you off so soon but...*LONG PAUSE*....and then I stumbled through words so quickly that I couldn't recall precisely what they were if you held a gun to my head.

Then I noticed a look of relief on his face. I think that the way I began my confession may have sounded as though I was going to tell him I was really born a man, or married, or something MUCH more scary than being a freak in the bedroom. Oh, I can laugh about it now, but it was awkward as hell at the time.

So, long story cut short, he's open to it. I am relieved. We'll see how this goes. I know I should have waited to get to know him better as a man but I felt it might be wasting my time going through the getting to know you process just to be disappointed in the end. He'd have to be the most amazing man ever for me to get through the rest of my life faking sexual enjoyment. I stand by my previous words. Sex is NOT the icing on the cake. It is one of the main ingredients. Without it, there is no reason to eat the cake.

Lucky Ireland

So this time around I traveled alone. I was nervous and a bit scared the day I arrived in Ireland. I spent 3 glorious days in Dublin, managed to collect a stalker on day 3 who followed me to Galway, Ireland on day 4. By the time the train arrived in Galway I had made up my mind that I'd have to be downright mean to the man to make him go away. "Nice" attracts the stalkers. He went away...thank God.

2 days in Galway, 2 days in Killarney, and then I went back to Dublin for the last 2 days. You know, the scenery is so beautiful in the countryside that words do not exist to accurately describe it, but I was blissful to be back in the city where I felt much more at home.

So, it was on the evening of Day 8 that I met, John. I was staying at a posh hotel in Dublin where one can stay relatively cheap if they're willing to accept one of their shoebox sized rooms. I had taken a nap and gotten all dressed up for the evening, headed downstairs to a patio in front of the hotel for a smoke when a well dressed, nice looking man wanted to know "what bloody time is it in this country anyway??" I was more than happy to strike up a conversation with him. We spent the rest of my time in Dublin together. He's currently working in China where he works as an engineer and is from Scotland. His accent is so thick that I spent a great deal of time nodding and smiling because I had no clue what he said. I sincerely thought that last morning that it had been a nice fling and we'd never see one another again. That was ok with me. Something in the way he put his arms on my waist, looked into my eyes, and gently kissed my lips .....and I thought "oh my god I think this guy actually LIKES me!" He will be coming to the states at some point for work and would like me to meet up with him when he does. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. I really cannot say that I'm ready to ever do long distance again. Rather than make a snap decision, I'll stay quiet and just let things play out.

The most amazing things happen when we venture out alone.


I'm so excited! I purchased my plane ticket for Ireland! I've put off travel so far this year due to the economy but found myself going a bit batty. Then, I stumbled across a SWEET airfare deal and just couldn't pass it up. I need this. I need to run away for a bit. Ok, so it's not until September, but it gives me something to look forward to again. Now let's hope the world isn't wiped out by the swine flu before then....

OH my gosh. I need to run out and get the fabulous tiny camcorder I've had my eye on. It fits in the palm of your hand and will easily tuck away into my purse while traveling.

The Rubber Ball Report 4/27/09

After a bit of drama between my sister and her boyfriend on saturday morning, the three of us hit the road for Minneapolis. We were behind schedule so we didn't spend as much time at my Mall as I would have liked. The boyfriend is uninvited for next year. I'm not sure what happened between the two love birds and I don't care. Do NOT mess up my Rubber Ball weekend.

We finally get to the hotel shortly after 8 p.m and I was exhausted. I wanted to badly to take a short nap but my hair takes forever to dry. Being naturally curly, hairdryers are out of the question when I'm planning on going curly for the night. 45 minutes later, despite my best efforts, the hair was still playing hard to get. I knew I should have booked an appointment to have it done but OH NO, I could not possibly have saved myself a ton of grief.

So now, i'm feeling pissy. Very pissy. This is not good. God help everyone if my makeup doesn't turn out right. It does. Hair - 0 Makeup - 1 Clothing?

Yeah...uhm....ok, I"ll share. *takes deep breath* So, about a month ago I decide the twins need help in the lift department. I'd purchased a few new tops that really needed spectacular cleavage. I know! I'll buy the new "Cleavage Cupcakes". They are gel inserts which are supposed to push the Twins upward and inward. No one warned me this might not work so well with D cups. Yes, I got a bit of lift, but not what I had been hoping for. Next time, duct tape.

Hair-0 Makeup-1 Clothing- 1/2

Let's fast forward to the Rubber Ball because the next 15 minutes was just me having a fit that my sister cannot be on time to save her life.

The music was awesome as usual. Thumbs up Mr DJ. But what the f*** was up with that Madonna song you slipped in at the end?! I can only guess that someone secretly laced your beverage with a roofie. Or had the fumes from all that rubber affected your thought process?

TONS of great outfits!! HUGE thumbs up to the two naughty nurses in latex. Cat woman was a yawn. That is soooooo last year, dear. The Rubber Dolls. This was my first year experiencing 'The Dolls' and I'm still not entirely sure what to make of it all but it certainly did boost the atmosphere. It turns out that Rubber Dollies are a completely new "fetish?" that I was unaware existed.

Flogging. I saw one woman take a beating that would have had me crying for my mommy.

Trampling. I don't think that would have worked as well for the man if the women who trampled him had weighed over 108 lbs.

Fish Hook man. This is where I ran for the stairs. The thought of this man being pulled by the front chest and upper back by a series of hooks through his flesh was too much for me to bear.

Tony the Boot Kisser. Halloween you worshipped my sexy boots and you dare to pass me by this time??? omg I"m so hurt. I may never scowl at you again.

Lots of hot women to gawk at but alas, not one hot male that made my heart pitter patter. Not even ONE flirtation this time around. My night is never complete without a little eyelash batting. My sister and I danced a bit but by the time we had the dance fever, Mistress Jean felt it was time to interrupt the music every 15 minutes for a skit, or fashion show, or for a Dolly parade. Look, the skit was cute. I still want to know who you got the strapon to gush that much liquid. The fashion show and the parade we all could have done without. It killed the momentum of the night. If we all have to fork out an extra five dollars each next year to keep from being forced to watch the "commercials" I'm sure it would be fine.

All in all I had a fabulous time and next time I'll show go, it will be for the usual Bondage A Go Go night. NO MORE MADONNA or I form a coups and hang the dj from suspension hooks.


Gratitude - Tuesday April 21st, 2009

Today I am grateful for having a job that I love. As many know, I am passionate about travel. So, being able to talk about travel with people all over the world Monday thru Friday is heaven on earth. Ok, so 'some' of the people do get on my last nerve, but they keep me on my toes and provide the challenge I crave. (no, i'm not a travel agent)

I am grateful for my sister and the rest of my friends who have never ceased to support my unique desires and interests. In chatting with bdsm folks from around the globe, I realize that I am one of the lucky few whose nilla friends happily join me for events such as The Rubber Ball. The first year that I talked them into going I was nervous about their reaction and found myself tickled pink that they had just as fabulous a time as I did. Each year, they hunt me down and beg to be part of the group attending. I am truly blessed.

Back in the Game?

I married and divorced in my early twenties and I had the type of marriage which caused me to vow I would never marry again. Everyone said those feelings would soon go away. They didn't. I entered into serious relationships over the years but marriage was not an option. This lead me to believe that I was broken beyond repair.

I used these past years since the divorce to heal and work on my relationship skills. After all, I am the one who chose him.....and chose the men after him. My choices gradually improved and I think that now I think i'm healthy enough to choose wisely.

About six months ago I began feeling a certain longing for a partner in life. A true partner and not just "Mr. Right Now". I want to ensure that I really do have what it takes to be a good partner and so I'm putting a lot of thought into what I need to do to bring a relationship back into my life. A healthy relationship. One that won't cause me to doubt my self worth, require drama, or embrace chaos and believe it is love.

I have no clue where this will lead, if anywhere, but I'm willing to take you along for the ride.



I will confess to you that I wasn't sure I'd make it through this winter. I swear that if I had to wait one more week for spring, I'd be in a straight jacket. It was a cold, gray, and dreary winter which sucked my will to live. Due to the current economic climate, I felt it best to not travel this winter. I didn't want to find myself without income and feeling angry that I'd spent a great deal of cash on a trip when I might need it to eat.

I'd tell you who I work for, but then I'm afraid of a lynch mob on my lawn. Go on...guess. We recently had a meeting with one of the executives they sent to calm us down and reassure us about our positions. I am feeling a touch better but I'm not spending money until the deal is set in stone.

So, with that being said, my only "trip" to look forward to is my annual trek into Minneapolis for the Rubber Ball. Freaks unite! The "Ball" is next Saturday and I promise to return with fun stories. Hmmm...maybe I'm jynxing myself. Maybe now I've ruined it and couples won't be having sex next to me on the couch upstairs. Oh the horror.

My hair and manicure appointments are set. The hotel reservations have been made. Let the games begin!

Minneapolis Rubber Ball 2009

Minneapolis Rubber Ball

Saturday April 25, 2009

10:00pm - 10:00am

Entry Type:
Club Event

Ground Zero Night Club



Breaking Up

My sister is going through a breakup right now and she is understandably quite upset about it. They've been together for a couple of years and I believe she felt this would be the person to spend the rest of her life with. Little snag....money. My sister works very hard. She owns a home and is raising 2 daughters. She thought she'd found someone who not only wanted to be with her but was also willing to embrace her daughters as his own. He seems to have a never ending supply of money for his toys but it appears helping to pay his portion of the household bills is out of the question. My sister struggled with this and fought with him over money MANY times. She's done fighting and has asked him to move out.

On the surface it appears to be simple but she also struggles with her feelings for him. I can tell you that he's a great guy to be around and we all like him. I knew from the beginning there would be issues but of course I couldn't say anything. The heart wants what it wants and nothing anyone could say would change that.

Last night was "moving" night and she didn't want to be home, so I invited her and the girls to spend the night at my place. I bought a couple bottles of wine and opened myself up to listen to her get it all off her chest.

Here is where it gets interesting. (At least it does in MY mind) Her points: 1) He only works six months of the year as the business he owns is seasonal. Because it is his business, he does not get unemployment during the other six months. She pays for everything. 2) He is uninterested in my sister's stress over household bills. 3) He makes purchases for himself only during the six months off 4) She is not finding him as physically attractive as she did in the beginning as he has gained quite a bit of weight over the last 2 years. 3)He's a Momma's Boy and she feels she is his second mother rather than his girlfriend/partner. She's lost respect for him.


1) She likes that he's laid back and doesn't easily get upset 2) She has fun with him 3) She loves him

The interesting part? After speaking with her, it is obvious she is doing what we all do. Thinking she can brow beat him into CHANGING. "He's everything I want except.....(insert gripes here)"

My take on it? NO, he is not everything you want. You want a man you respect and has not only his interests in mind but actually cares about your best interests and well-being. You need someone who is an active partner in life and you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he has your back at all times. You need to know this relationship is the ONE place you are safe. The ONE place you are loved. The ONE place where nothing bad can happen to you. So.....no matter how charming, cute, and fun to be around he may be........he isn't The Guy. And yet, I see you struggle with this. That amazes me. Loving someone feels great but if they're not actively working towards a great relationship and only care about themselves, it isn't going to work no matter how much you cry and scream.

I am amazed by people who will stick it out no matter what when they KNOW they're with the wrong person. I've done it myself and I wish I could go back in time and kick myself in the head for being so stupid.

I told my sister to stop being so concerned with what He is or isn't doing and to begin being concerned about herself. He isn't going to change. So, if she can live with who he is RIGHT NOW...keep him around. If not, let him go.

Poor thing. I just want to hold her and tell her everything will be ok. It will be, but she won't hear those words right now. Right now, her world is crumbling and all I can do is listen and offer my support.

Limits and "That Look"

I was thinking about a man that I'd 'been with'. I was lying on my tummy with him lying on his side next to me. He was spanking me, tugging my hair, and telling me what a delicious slut I am. Then, The Look, came over his face. I knew it immediately and so did my body. One would swear an invisible hand swept over his face and as it revealed his forehead, eyes, nose, and mouth, the change followed. He changed and I changed with him. My breathing became shallow, my heart pounded, and my thong became soaked.

I live for that Look. I know anything is possible and the excitement is almost too much to bear. It's in those times that he pushed my boundaries and my limits. Afterwards, I'd lie there in a warm, fuzzy daze. Amazed and a bit pleased with myself that, "I did it!"

It's a bit like going on a rollercoaster. The anticipation while I wait in line and listen to the screams of those being thrashed around, up and down. A small amount of fear as I wonder, "oh my god can I do this? Maybe it's too much for me." My heart pounds as I take my seat. My breath caught in my chest as the car makes its way to the top. And yes, the blood curdling scream as my car hurtles it's way at 60 miles an hour to the bottom of the hill only to turn me upside down, round and round. Please make it stop! I can't do this. How long is this ride anyway??? Hang on....I'm not sure, but I'm quite certain this is enjoyable. woohoo!! I jump off the ride in the end. I'm all out of breath and my blood is pumping hard through my veins. Again! I want to go again!

This is why I have a difficult time with people listing off their limits before they've ever stood at the edge of what could be a great thrill. Sitting here, sipping my coffee, far removed from anything even slightly resembling s&m. It would be very easy for me to say what I will and won't do. The truth of the matter is, that with the 'right guy' and the 'right circumstance' and oh-my-god-that-LOOK...lots of things are possible.

Embrace the possibilities rather than belittle the unknown. A new world could open up for you.

Love Obsessed

The Webster's definition of obsession:
1: a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling ; broadly : compelling motivation
2: something that causes an obsession

You know how when we're madly in love we wake up thinking about the object of our affection, go to sleep thinking about him/her, and fantasize about them every free moment of our day? (OK, maybe it's just me)

Today, I was reflecting about how much time I've spent during my lifetime obsessively thinking about men I've been in love with and it occurred to me that this is a huge waste of my time. It would be great if I could obsess over something that would benefit my life. Such as career, education, entrepreneurial ventures, etc. Imagine what I could accomplish if I could switch gears?

Obsessing over a partner is pointless since we will either make it work or we won't. I'm not saying we should never give a thought to our love life. I just think it would be far more beneficial if we spent an equal amount of time exploring ways to better ourselves and, in turn, THAT would result in strengthening our ability to be an excellent partner.

....just a thought

cerina x


I have a new lover. A fun lover, a cool lover, a lover who makes my evenings enjoyable. My new Wii game. I have the sports package and am waiting on the Wii Fit package to become available. I feel like a kid again and I love it! It was a christmas present from my parents. Thank God they don't see me as "all grown up" just yet and they recognize that no matter the age, we're all children at heart.
Surprisingly, boxing has become my favorite. There is no better way to work off aggression than to kick some ass when I get home. If only we could fashion the opponent to resemble someone we're angry with.......oh to dream. It's not a bad workout either. I'm shocked at how much I get lost in the battle and I shiver a little with joy.

May I never grow up.

Well Again!!

After being horribly ill for one whole week, I finally returned to work today. yay! I've never been so happy to go to work in my life. Cabin fever was setting in and it felt like I was going to lose it. I'm not accustomed to being shut in for 7 days. That was awful. Let's not do that again, ok?

I have something of a scary boss. She seems to have no patience and looks like she's scowling most of the time. I like her. I like her because she doesn't sugar coat the facts and I always know where I stand. However, I was petrified to return to work after a week off. I was positive she'd be upset and that I'd get the cold shoulder. So, I walked into the office and many people immediately wanted to know how I was feeling. After a few minutes at my desk I saw everyone turn back towards their monitors which can only mean ONE thing. She's coming.

I believe that I speak for everyone in that office when I say we had a bit of a shock. You could have heard a pin drop as my boss stopped by my desk to ask how I am and (no lie) gave me a huge hug and said she's happy to have me back. Speechless. No one spoke for about 10 minutes after that. (but I swear I heard keyboards rattling as they frantically emailed one another to gossip about it) It felt fantastic and I'm still smiling.

The ugly bit: Work was piled to the ceiling. New messages went on forever in my inbox and my voicemail......ugh...we won't discuss that. I'm still pretending the red light isn't screaming at me to tell me I have 100 messages. People tend to freak out when they go an extra week without hearing whether or not they're getting a check from me. That's the best part of my job. Writing the checks. It's a blast giving money to people who found themselves in a frustrating and expensive situation while travelling. Yes, there are those who try to take advantage of me. (you know who you are) However, they don't get up as early in the morning as I do. *snicker* People who are trying to work the system and get away with something are my favorite pet projects. I live to make their life a pain in the ass.

Anyway, enough about my job. (which I love) I'm just happy to be back among the living.


I've noticed jealousy is still a topic of discussion. Someone said her Master was going to scene with his ex-submissive and she was jealous. When she vocalized this to Him, he felt she was being overly dramatic I guess and having issues. I supposed the nilla version of this situation would be a boyfriend or husband sharing an intimate physical moment with his ex-girlfriend or wife. The jealous submissive was clearly upset not only about the scene but that her Master couldn't wrap his head around why she is jealous.

At 17 I dated someone who was also dating four other women. I'm pretty sure we all knew about one another. We were kept apart. My time with him was mine and their time was theirs. Sometimes I was jealous thinking they could give him something I could not but he made me feel so special and unique that the jealousy wasn't very strong. Mostly, I was determined to be the last girl standing. I was. I then broke up with him for someone I knew only wanted to date me.

I married the one who only wanted to date me. Early in our marriage he began some type of affair with a co-worker. I'm still not sure how far it went and I don't really care. I was never jealous. The only negative emotion I felt was anger. How dare she think she's better than I? I mean, that's the only way she could have imagined snaring him. Thinking she's somehow better. Right? I was not jealous because I wasn't all that in love with him and quite frankly, I wish I had pushed him towards her. I wasn't jealous because she wasn't giving him anything I could not give him and I knew that. Later, I left him. I left him and ended up in the arms of someone who worshipped the ground I walked on because he wasn't smart enough to know better.

A few years into our relationship, Mr Not So Smart was sleeping with someone else. For a moment I was frantic. Not jealous. I was frantic because he was my crutch and if he left me for her, I would be alone and out on the street. We somehow worked it out and he stayed awhile longer and I believe was still sleeping with someone else. (condoms where they shouldn't be along with panties which were not mine in the bedroom. Do the math) Once I was strong enough to be on my own, I left him. I left him to be alone.

After a couple of years of not dating or sleeping with anyone, I decided I needed sex. I had a great deal of fun getting to know more than a few very sexy men. They were skittish at first. I'm sure they thought I'd expect something from them. Once they realized I did not, we were fast friends. I would see them with other women. I was not jealous. I did not want them as I did not see any of them as relationship material. After all, they were sluts. *little grin* The other women were not taking anything away from me nor did they pose any sort of threat. Eventually, I stopped sleeping around and we all parted ways.

After a year or so, I'm not really sure how long it had been, I began an emotional relationship with a man. I saw a few red flags but we were all grown up now and I feel that people should be forgiven for their past and allowed to have the benefit of the doubt. After all, I had a bit of a checkered past myself. It wasn't long into the relationship when I noticed he had a need for female adoration. All females must want him. At least that's MY take on how it was. I was angry because there were lies and I was also jealous. He told me how fantastic I was but if that were true, why did he need their company? I felt they could give him something I could not. The jealousy and anger grew to ugly proportions. I wanted to be the last woman standing. (apparently I learned nothing in the past, huh?) I should have left him but I did not out of pride, ego, anger...I don't know really. He left me.

I had a long run as something of a mistress on the side with a married man. I was not jealous. She was not taking anything away from me and I knew precisely where I stood in the relationship. We left each other. I needed something else and he needed to feel good about himself.

Here is how I view jealousy now. It is a red flag. It means the relationship I am in is not making me feel good about myself and I feel lacking. I might even feel he is too good for me? It means there are serious issues to be addressed. I've been watching men who I believe are truly in love with the woman by their side. They don't seem to have a deep desire to garner attention from other women. They appear to only be concerned about their woman's attention and what she thinks of them.

I've been watching women who are jealous. They appear to feel very insecure and have little trust they are the only one able to make the man happy. Right now, I feel pretty secure with myself. But then again, there are no men in my life at this time. Hopefully, I've learned from the past. If the green eyed monster shows up.........I will leave.

Tuesday's Tidbit - The Fantasy of Acceptable 'Non-Consent'

The Fantasy of Acceptable 'Non-Consent': Why the Female Sexual Submissive Scares Us (and Why She Shouldn't)
By Stacey May Fowles, Seal Press. Posted December 29, 2008.
There is a guilt and shame among women who have fantasies of their own violation and express a desire to be demeaned.

This article is far too huge to post here so I'm including the link. Enjoy!

The Fantasy of Acceptable 'Non-Consent'

Keep Away, I'm Toxic

After watching my co-workers drop like dominoes from illness this winter, I was truly beginning to think I'd be unscathed by this toxic time of year. Just when I was enjoying my immortality, I was taken out by some nasty little bug. I'm feeling a bit like Goliath. Taken out by something so small.

Of course this is where my "other face" comes into play. The facade of "I can take care of myself" melts away into a puddle at my feet. Leave it to this toxic little bug to unmask me. I want someone to stroke my forehead and run to the store for Gatorade. Someone to coo over me and yes, feel sorry for me. I'm such a fake.

Let me tell you about last night.

I spent much of the day and night going from bed to couch and back again. Feeling worse with each hour that ticked by. The neighbor living below me is a male in his 20's who has gone a few rounds with me regarding stereos and parties past midnight. I've talked to him nicely in the afternoon, screamed at him and threatened death at 3 a.m, and still he persists. So, a few weeks ago I called the police thinking that would scare him into silence. It worked ......for awhile. Last night at 1:50 a.m I called the police again. The dispatcher is pleasant and says she'll send someone.

Fifteen minutes later it goes deathly quiet downstairs. I smile to myself and close my eyes thinking I will finally get some sleep. 6:30 a.m comes around rather quickly and I need every second of rest I can get.

All remains quiet for a bit. Then, I can hear the cursing and stomping around below me. The pouty boy is ticked off. For about 15 seconds he cranks his stereo full blast. I imagine this is his shining moment of defiance. It goes quiet again.

I am just about to fall asleep when I hear a knock at my door. I stumble to answer it and find a police officer standing there. He says, "This is going to sound silly, but the boy downstairs called us saying you were stomping on the floor". Of course I was not. I stated that I am above the age of 15 and I do not play games at 2:30 in the morning. He smiles and says he didn't believe the boy and then asks what the issue with us is. I explain that I have tried, my sister has tried, and no one is having any luck getting the little idiot to understand he needs to be quiet after a reasonable hour. I further explain that my family owns the building I live in and I'm trying my hardest not to evict him but Boy Wonder isn't making it easy.

At this moment, we both hear a door on the lower level open and we can tell someone is standing there. I smile and whisper, "He must be curious about our conversation". The officer peeks over the landing and says, "Nick, come up here" Now please". We hear movement and can tell Boy Wonder made his way to the stairs. The officer then moves towards the stairs saying "Nick, I want to speak with you." No lie......the idiot kid RUNS back to his apartment and shuts the door. Uhm....I've done some stupid things in my life, but running from a police officer is definitely on my DO NOT ATTEMPT list.

So, now the officer is not happy. He goes downstairs to Boy Wonder's door, knocks, and says, "Nick. You are not in trouble at this point, but if you don't open this door and come talk with me and your neighbor, I'm going to have to write you a ticket." Boy Wonder doesn't speak. Nor does he open the door. His middle name MUST be Moron.

The officer comes back upstairs to speak with me. He takes my name and number. Boy Wonder is getting a ticket. The officer, who is awfully cute by the way, then says he believes the kid was coming upstairs to confront me and that if he gives me any trouble I'm to call him immediately.

Just when I was losing faith in the local P.D, they come through. You know, I felt foolish calling them but Boy Moron Wonder left me no choice. Needless to say, you could hear a pin drop tonight.

So that was my early morning excitement. If only Officer Hot were a bit older. He looks like he just graduated. sigh. He had me at "hello". Those men in uniform and their power. hmmm....I wonder if he's into bondage? I am SO using him as my next masturbation fantasy. Sorry if that was too much information. Night all. I'm off to lie on the couch looking pathetic and helpless.

Feeling Less Feminine?

I finally did it. After 3 years of telling everyone I know that I was going to do it, I actually went through with it. I hired a maid.

Sounds simple enough, right? Oh you are so wrong. Three years of guilt eating away at me. I'm female and I'm supposed to be able to do it all just like Martha Stewart. My home should be spotless after working 60 hours a week and I should be able to entertain 20 people on a moment's notice. That's what they said! I bought into it. So now I feel this relief mixed with guilt. The Maid hasn't started yet. I can't bring myself to call her and set up the day and time just yet. She's probably thinking I've bailed on her. Her name and number scream at me from the post it note on the refrigerator. "Call me dammit! You need help!" I know I can do this. I know I can pick up a telephone and dial the number. ..........tomorrow......I'll call her tomorrow. Yeah, that's it.

*smiles to you* So, do you suppose this will make me less desirable to dominant men? The fact that I'm not very domestic could hurt my chances, huh? Wait......Jeff has had a maid since childhood. But then again, there aren't a lot of "Jeffs" in this world. He would understand. He would NOT understand my guilt. The next man might think me frivilous. Maybe I won't say anything. I can just let the men think I CAN do it all. oh wait.......that's false advertising.

All of us partake in false advertising when we first meet someone, don't we? My sister in law lived with my sister for five years before she ever met my obsessive compulsive anal retentive brother. She was a slob just as much as Holly and I were. Then, she fell in love, and apparently cleaned like a crazy person before my brother would visit. Holly and I never gave up her secret.

My sister comes off as being shy and quiet when men first meet her. A year later, her boyfriend sits in stunned silence as she throws a temper tantrum and swears like a sailor. Bet he never saw that coming.

Another friend of mine likes to pretend she has a lot of money and has it all together. A year later, her new boyfriend is cancelling wedding plans as he figures out he'd inherit her debt. She isn't allowed to even have a simple checking account as the banks have given up all hope for her.

My family and friends say that my false advertising is giving off an air of confidence, always having it together. They say this is wrong because the men are attracted to the confidence and then later when they find out I'm not as strong as I seem, they are turned off.

What if we threw it all out there and laid ourselves bare? I did that once. He left me. Turns out that to snag the man you want, you gotta play the game. It's worked for everyone else I know. At this point, I'm the only one who is single. So perhaps I need to dial that maid's number and throw my hat into the ring. Bring on the mask!!