After watching my co-workers drop like dominoes from illness this winter, I was truly beginning to think I'd be unscathed by this toxic time of year. Just when I was enjoying my immortality, I was taken out by some nasty little bug. I'm feeling a bit like Goliath. Taken out by something so small.

Of course this is where my "other face" comes into play. The facade of "I can take care of myself" melts away into a puddle at my feet. Leave it to this toxic little bug to unmask me. I want someone to stroke my forehead and run to the store for Gatorade. Someone to coo over me and yes, feel sorry for me. I'm such a fake.

Let me tell you about last night.

I spent much of the day and night going from bed to couch and back again. Feeling worse with each hour that ticked by. The neighbor living below me is a male in his 20's who has gone a few rounds with me regarding stereos and parties past midnight. I've talked to him nicely in the afternoon, screamed at him and threatened death at 3 a.m, and still he persists. So, a few weeks ago I called the police thinking that would scare him into silence. It worked ......for awhile. Last night at 1:50 a.m I called the police again. The dispatcher is pleasant and says she'll send someone.

Fifteen minutes later it goes deathly quiet downstairs. I smile to myself and close my eyes thinking I will finally get some sleep. 6:30 a.m comes around rather quickly and I need every second of rest I can get.

All remains quiet for a bit. Then, I can hear the cursing and stomping around below me. The pouty boy is ticked off. For about 15 seconds he cranks his stereo full blast. I imagine this is his shining moment of defiance. It goes quiet again.

I am just about to fall asleep when I hear a knock at my door. I stumble to answer it and find a police officer standing there. He says, "This is going to sound silly, but the boy downstairs called us saying you were stomping on the floor". Of course I was not. I stated that I am above the age of 15 and I do not play games at 2:30 in the morning. He smiles and says he didn't believe the boy and then asks what the issue with us is. I explain that I have tried, my sister has tried, and no one is having any luck getting the little idiot to understand he needs to be quiet after a reasonable hour. I further explain that my family owns the building I live in and I'm trying my hardest not to evict him but Boy Wonder isn't making it easy.

At this moment, we both hear a door on the lower level open and we can tell someone is standing there. I smile and whisper, "He must be curious about our conversation". The officer peeks over the landing and says, "Nick, come up here" Now please". We hear movement and can tell Boy Wonder made his way to the stairs. The officer then moves towards the stairs saying "Nick, I want to speak with you." No lie......the idiot kid RUNS back to his apartment and shuts the door. Uhm....I've done some stupid things in my life, but running from a police officer is definitely on my DO NOT ATTEMPT list.

So, now the officer is not happy. He goes downstairs to Boy Wonder's door, knocks, and says, "Nick. You are not in trouble at this point, but if you don't open this door and come talk with me and your neighbor, I'm going to have to write you a ticket." Boy Wonder doesn't speak. Nor does he open the door. His middle name MUST be Moron.

The officer comes back upstairs to speak with me. He takes my name and number. Boy Wonder is getting a ticket. The officer, who is awfully cute by the way, then says he believes the kid was coming upstairs to confront me and that if he gives me any trouble I'm to call him immediately.

Just when I was losing faith in the local P.D, they come through. You know, I felt foolish calling them but Boy Moron Wonder left me no choice. Needless to say, you could hear a pin drop tonight.

So that was my early morning excitement. If only Officer Hot were a bit older. He looks like he just graduated. sigh. He had me at "hello". Those men in uniform and their power. hmmm....I wonder if he's into bondage? I am SO using him as my next masturbation fantasy. Sorry if that was too much information. Night all. I'm off to lie on the couch looking pathetic and helpless.