I finally did it. After 3 years of telling everyone I know that I was going to do it, I actually went through with it. I hired a maid.

Sounds simple enough, right? Oh you are so wrong. Three years of guilt eating away at me. I'm female and I'm supposed to be able to do it all just like Martha Stewart. My home should be spotless after working 60 hours a week and I should be able to entertain 20 people on a moment's notice. That's what they said! I bought into it. So now I feel this relief mixed with guilt. The Maid hasn't started yet. I can't bring myself to call her and set up the day and time just yet. She's probably thinking I've bailed on her. Her name and number scream at me from the post it note on the refrigerator. "Call me dammit! You need help!" I know I can do this. I know I can pick up a telephone and dial the number. ..........tomorrow......I'll call her tomorrow. Yeah, that's it.

*smiles to you* So, do you suppose this will make me less desirable to dominant men? The fact that I'm not very domestic could hurt my chances, huh? Wait......Jeff has had a maid since childhood. But then again, there aren't a lot of "Jeffs" in this world. He would understand. He would NOT understand my guilt. The next man might think me frivilous. Maybe I won't say anything. I can just let the men think I CAN do it all. oh wait.......that's false advertising.

All of us partake in false advertising when we first meet someone, don't we? My sister in law lived with my sister for five years before she ever met my obsessive compulsive anal retentive brother. She was a slob just as much as Holly and I were. Then, she fell in love, and apparently cleaned like a crazy person before my brother would visit. Holly and I never gave up her secret.

My sister comes off as being shy and quiet when men first meet her. A year later, her boyfriend sits in stunned silence as she throws a temper tantrum and swears like a sailor. Bet he never saw that coming.

Another friend of mine likes to pretend she has a lot of money and has it all together. A year later, her new boyfriend is cancelling wedding plans as he figures out he'd inherit her debt. She isn't allowed to even have a simple checking account as the banks have given up all hope for her.

My family and friends say that my false advertising is giving off an air of confidence, always having it together. They say this is wrong because the men are attracted to the confidence and then later when they find out I'm not as strong as I seem, they are turned off.

What if we threw it all out there and laid ourselves bare? I did that once. He left me. Turns out that to snag the man you want, you gotta play the game. It's worked for everyone else I know. At this point, I'm the only one who is single. So perhaps I need to dial that maid's number and throw my hat into the ring. Bring on the mask!!