I've noticed jealousy is still a topic of discussion. Someone said her Master was going to scene with his ex-submissive and she was jealous. When she vocalized this to Him, he felt she was being overly dramatic I guess and having issues. I supposed the nilla version of this situation would be a boyfriend or husband sharing an intimate physical moment with his ex-girlfriend or wife. The jealous submissive was clearly upset not only about the scene but that her Master couldn't wrap his head around why she is jealous.

At 17 I dated someone who was also dating four other women. I'm pretty sure we all knew about one another. We were kept apart. My time with him was mine and their time was theirs. Sometimes I was jealous thinking they could give him something I could not but he made me feel so special and unique that the jealousy wasn't very strong. Mostly, I was determined to be the last girl standing. I was. I then broke up with him for someone I knew only wanted to date me.

I married the one who only wanted to date me. Early in our marriage he began some type of affair with a co-worker. I'm still not sure how far it went and I don't really care. I was never jealous. The only negative emotion I felt was anger. How dare she think she's better than I? I mean, that's the only way she could have imagined snaring him. Thinking she's somehow better. Right? I was not jealous because I wasn't all that in love with him and quite frankly, I wish I had pushed him towards her. I wasn't jealous because she wasn't giving him anything I could not give him and I knew that. Later, I left him. I left him and ended up in the arms of someone who worshipped the ground I walked on because he wasn't smart enough to know better.

A few years into our relationship, Mr Not So Smart was sleeping with someone else. For a moment I was frantic. Not jealous. I was frantic because he was my crutch and if he left me for her, I would be alone and out on the street. We somehow worked it out and he stayed awhile longer and I believe was still sleeping with someone else. (condoms where they shouldn't be along with panties which were not mine in the bedroom. Do the math) Once I was strong enough to be on my own, I left him. I left him to be alone.

After a couple of years of not dating or sleeping with anyone, I decided I needed sex. I had a great deal of fun getting to know more than a few very sexy men. They were skittish at first. I'm sure they thought I'd expect something from them. Once they realized I did not, we were fast friends. I would see them with other women. I was not jealous. I did not want them as I did not see any of them as relationship material. After all, they were sluts. *little grin* The other women were not taking anything away from me nor did they pose any sort of threat. Eventually, I stopped sleeping around and we all parted ways.

After a year or so, I'm not really sure how long it had been, I began an emotional relationship with a man. I saw a few red flags but we were all grown up now and I feel that people should be forgiven for their past and allowed to have the benefit of the doubt. After all, I had a bit of a checkered past myself. It wasn't long into the relationship when I noticed he had a need for female adoration. All females must want him. At least that's MY take on how it was. I was angry because there were lies and I was also jealous. He told me how fantastic I was but if that were true, why did he need their company? I felt they could give him something I could not. The jealousy and anger grew to ugly proportions. I wanted to be the last woman standing. (apparently I learned nothing in the past, huh?) I should have left him but I did not out of pride, ego, anger...I don't know really. He left me.

I had a long run as something of a mistress on the side with a married man. I was not jealous. She was not taking anything away from me and I knew precisely where I stood in the relationship. We left each other. I needed something else and he needed to feel good about himself.

Here is how I view jealousy now. It is a red flag. It means the relationship I am in is not making me feel good about myself and I feel lacking. I might even feel he is too good for me? It means there are serious issues to be addressed. I've been watching men who I believe are truly in love with the woman by their side. They don't seem to have a deep desire to garner attention from other women. They appear to only be concerned about their woman's attention and what she thinks of them.

I've been watching women who are jealous. They appear to feel very insecure and have little trust they are the only one able to make the man happy. Right now, I feel pretty secure with myself. But then again, there are no men in my life at this time. Hopefully, I've learned from the past. If the green eyed monster shows up.........I will leave.