I just can't seem to hate people for life. Someone does me wrong, I'm angry for awhile and pretty certain i'm done with them, and now I get the feeling something has gone very wrong for them...and I want to reach out. I want to make sure they're ok and give them a hug. At the same time I feel like a moron because I'm positive I was not treated well by this person. Am I weak? Maybe Jeff was right...I'm naive and let people take advantage of me? I don't know. I just can't stand to see anyone hurting. It makes me crazy and I feel like I need to help fix it. A little voice IS in my head saying "uhm...this person wasn't very nice to you so no, don't you DARE reach out". *sighs* I hate this tug of war.
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9 comments:
You're not alone...
I've always seen it that I don't let people in very easily and that I would hate to lose someone I did let in because of something silly.
I start to feel guilty because I can be hateful, spiteful - I can be downright venomous when I've been hurt and maybe I said some not nice things to them as well. I start to feel this way no matter how badly I've been treated by them... so what started in being wronged by another person I feel like I am then wronged by my own conscience.
It's not weakness, it's called compassion.
Ok, cerina, I downloaded it again and installed it last night, so where are ya'll?
It's me, MP aka MEB.
I really appreciate the responses. Sometimes I feel like such a dork and it's good to know I'm not alone.
You are not alone. I do the same thing and it certainly is confusing. I gave up trying to control it. It is part of who I am and I like helping other people. I do try to keep it more on my terms with someone who has hurt me in the past, as a self-protection, but I don't always succeed.
There are a lot of people out there that wouldn't help another human being under any circumstances. Be proud that you are more compassionate than they are.
There is a balance between helping others and helping to the point where you hurt yourself. Learn where your comfort limit is and try to stick to it. That way you can help, feel good about it, and not be as open to being hurt again by the same person.
Stop the guilty feelings! I have always been a compassionate person and, even though someone does me wrong, I can't help but offer them aid (or a shoulder to cry on) when the need arises.
You should never think of compassion as a weakness. Instead, try to realize that it is one of your greatest strengths. Being someone others can count on is a pretty good feeling, even when that someone has not been the best of friends.
Be who you are and be proud of it.
Cerina, I need your help, please, I have been trying to contact you for sometime. It is about a guestbook on your site, I need a post removed and I dont know who to contact. Please contact me...I really need your assistance, this is not a joke. I would very much appreciate your help.
Thanks,
M.
Melusine, you may email me at cerina_x@yahoo.com
I do this time and time again, usually resulting in getting burned by that same person over and over. Compassion is good, but there comes a time when you have to protect yourself, too.
For me, it's an issue of boundaries. I have an impossible time refusing someone in need.
I've found that the way to avoid it is to, after a person has horribly mistreated me more than once and I'm feeling hurt and angry, burn that bridge irrevocably. As compassionate as I am, I can say some terrible truths when warranted.
Rarely does the person come back.
cerina,
I have sent an email of a direct request. Thank you so much for your continuing to share your valuable advice and insights.
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