It is below zero outside with snow on the way and as usual this time of year, I'm stuck in the house more often. This gives me a bit more time to log into my online accounts. Lucky you, huh?

This blog is dedicated to the d/s side of my life and d/s has been on my mind a bit lately. More than usual. I'm missing Jeff a great deal. Lots has happened over the past year and I'm still not accustomed to not sharing it all with him. He always seemed so excited for me no matter how trivial the event. He's a fabulous man and I sincerely hope life is treating him well. Not knowing if he's alright bothers me the most.

The other night, I witnessed my ten thousandth online discussion about limits. (I think I should be winning a prize any day now) The limits subject appears to bring out the fearful side of submissives. At first, I was thinking "oh dear God do I really have to watch this rehashed yet again?" But then another question came up: Why do submissives bring it up again and again? This question of "What would you do if the dominant partner kept trying to push your bdsm limits or what would you do if He/She didn't respect a limit?"

I smell fear. I am familiar with that fear if I close my eyes and think back far enough into the past.

Eleven years ago I was stepping outside my comfort zone and putting myself "out there" so to speak. I talked to many men who immediately barged past the "getting to know you" stage to the "how do you feel about being peed on?" (or any of those more touchy activities) When approached in this manner by someone I felt I wanted to know, I found myself becoming defensive and protective. I have limits! Let me list them ad nauseum until you run screaming for the door. Wait! Where are you going? .........huh.......he left. Weird how that keeps happening. Oh well, he must not be a REAL dominant. Freak. Who needs him anyway? Scaring me like that! Bastard.

So the focus was put on the men and it stayed there for a long time until I realized the focus should be on me and why I was shoving my "limits" down so many throats. Fear.

He's going to hurt me. He doesn't really want to be with me. He just wants kink. He couldn't care less about me and who I really am. He's going to push me into activities that will cause me to feel degraded, humiliated, and I will think less of myself. After he's used me up he will move on to fresh meat who hasn't done any of those awful things. I will be left broken and used.

That's what I secretly thought. Sometimes, I still do. However, talking about bdsm isn't so exciting and new anymore. Actually, I find it almost boring at times. As I said before, eleven years is a great deal of time to be part of the same discussions over and over again. Now, when someone immediately starts talking about activities before they even know my last name or who I am, I change the subject to something nilla. There is no need to discuss limits with anyone I'm not in a relationship with. If they happen to be into the more extreme side of bdsm and want to know if I enjoy this as well, they will have to take the long road and get to know ME before they know my limits. (or even if I'll kiss them goodnight at the end of our first date). Silly little nilla me. They'd better be careful what they wish for though. There is a dark, twisted side to me that loves to push the envelope. Perhaps they should be more afraid of my sexuality than me of theirs, huh? *sly grin*

My dear submissives, there is no need to shout out your limits and make demands they be respected before you know his last name or if he snores loud enough to wake the dead. (ahem Jeff) When the right time comes to have this discussion you will know it. If something scary comes up?

Hard limits: The word is 'NO'. Not if you don't want to sleep with one eye open.

Limits that you're 'iffy' about, don't want to openly admit to trying unless with the right person: The word is "maybe". If you demonstrate you truly have my best interests at heart....maybe.

I have so much more to write but my eyes are tired, people. Let's just remember that the word for today is not 'limits' but 'fear'. Say it out loud to Him/Her and you might be surprised what happens. Instead of "no freaking way am I ever doing that", say "I'm scared". Let me know what happens, ok? I am truly interested. If anyone reads this, that is.