My mother, sister, and a few friends have been in Aruba all this week. My father is handicapped and was unable to go. Someone needed to stay behind and take care of him. I was volunteered. I don't mind really even though I was a bit disappointed I couldn't go along. (it is -12 degrees here right now)

Here's the thing...

He's bitter. He's angry. He has made a great effort this week and has managed to be nice to me but this has been a week of walking on eggshells. I know he wants to explode but is just smart enough to realize that if he blows up at me I will walk out and not come back the next day. Today is the last day and I am dreading going over there because I never know what mood will greet me.

It's hard seeing a once strong vital man physically dwindling down to nothing until the disease attacks his heart and he dies. It is a waiting game. I'm angry and bitter as well. I think we all are. We feel guilty for being able to go places and do things he cannot do and I think we secretly feel anger towards him for 'making' us feel this way.

I am going out with friends tonight and have to break it to him that he needs to go to bed at 9:30. *sighs* He won't. I know it. There will be a power play. He will tell me to 'just go' and he'll get to bed on his own at 10:00. Mind you...when my mother is home he is in bed by 8:30. He is not fooling me. This is being done to show me who is boss.

Wish me luck