My mother, sister, and a few friends have been in Aruba all this week. My father is handicapped and was unable to go. Someone needed to stay behind and take care of him. I was volunteered. I don't mind really even though I was a bit disappointed I couldn't go along. (it is -12 degrees here right now)
Here's the thing...
He's bitter. He's angry. He has made a great effort this week and has managed to be nice to me but this has been a week of walking on eggshells. I know he wants to explode but is just smart enough to realize that if he blows up at me I will walk out and not come back the next day. Today is the last day and I am dreading going over there because I never know what mood will greet me.
It's hard seeing a once strong vital man physically dwindling down to nothing until the disease attacks his heart and he dies. It is a waiting game. I'm angry and bitter as well. I think we all are. We feel guilty for being able to go places and do things he cannot do and I think we secretly feel anger towards him for 'making' us feel this way.
I am going out with friends tonight and have to break it to him that he needs to go to bed at 9:30. *sighs* He won't. I know it. There will be a power play. He will tell me to 'just go' and he'll get to bed on his own at 10:00. Mind you...when my mother is home he is in bed by 8:30. He is not fooling me. This is being done to show me who is boss.
Wish me luck
cerina
3 comments:
Cerina;
As a submissive I fell in the field of nursing rather well. Your Father's tests are reminders to him how much you love him.In the way you respond when he pushes those edges just as MD pushes your edges in BDSM. Often I had seen Fathers, Mothers, Brothers, and Sisters pass on without anyone but the new family at the nursing home. I commend your family to choose care for him at home. I found there is great reward given in heart if one actually looks deep into his meanings. He once strong now depends on those he guided in life. I gained extended family members in my work and remember so many. Sitting by them and just giving them the ability to talk and share. I don't know your Father or your relationship but a word of advice just sit by him and talk with him listen to him as he remembers times in which you shared. You'll walk away feeling good. And by staying instead of going he knows your love is deep.
Thank you for the kind words of encouragment and support. It is greatly appreciated.
I try to keep in mind that he is hurting emotionally and needs to vent every now and again.
Cernia,
Hope this finds you well and in good spirits.
I'll add my praise to you and your family for looking after and being there for your father. I travel a great deal and often think that people in some other countries do a better job than we do of including and caring for their elderly and/or ill family members.
It used to be more that way here and probably still is in some families, but many have just not continued being what families used to be.
My grandparents took care of their parents, my parents took care of their parents and I tried to do the best I could to do the same.
My father was a tough strong highly accomplished man, but always struggled with interpersonal relationships. That included family and even general social situations. He was brilliant and a man of remarkable character qualities. Even though we knew he loved and cared for us, he just was not a man who could express that well.
We (and everyone else) respected him for his many accomplishments and for being a strong leader of men. He was even a war hero, who lead brave men into one of the world most historic battles.
I used to long for him to just hug me or to be able to sit and talk with him about important things or even to have him to me about his own history. But, he never talked about himself and always guided conversations away from the history he had seen and lived. Guess that is pretty common for many men, but often I felt so much like I wanted to be closer to him and somehow be allowed into his inner world.
We came closer in my adult years than we ever did when I was younger and it looked like there might be some chance that movement in that area would continue. Alas, he had a massive heart attack and wound up for many long months in a coma.
I refused travel assignments and almost lost my job, because I could not bring myself to be away from him. Went in each day to be with him. Learned to wash and shave him and work his arms and legs to try (in vain) to slow the constant athrophy of muscles.
They told us to talk with him, just like he could hear us, on the odd chance that at times he might be able to hear and not be able to respond. I managed to say a lot of what was in my heart and to share a lot of close personal time with him ... always hoping that there would be some sign, any sign, of recognition or that he somehow heard me. I would have given anything to have been able to have him respond, in any way.
I didn't then and do not now, looking back, think of being with him as any burden or any great act of love by a daughter. In some strange ways, I cherish some of the time we had together and at times I just had the overpowering feeling that somehow he knew and heard what I said. You never know if that's because you want it so bad or because there really was something there.
Every person and every situation is different. Don't think any of us have all of the answers. My only modest advise is to not leave behind any regrets.
Time is often shorter than we think.
Best of luck to you and yours, Victoria
Oh and ... GO BLUE!!! Beat Wisconsin! :-)
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